A boatload of feral Spanish surfers rocked up a coupla days ago. Their bluster and bravado far exceeding their actual ability. But isn't that always the case with short Europeans?

You know things are off to a less-than-ideal start when there's only 2 of you in the line-up, and they jump off their dinghy and paddle straight past you and sit 5m further up the point as if it's their God-given right. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a stickler for line-up etiquette so it was with great reluctance I held my tongue - realising their command of English was severely limited so my reprimands would fall on deaf ears.

On watching transgressor no.1 wobble to his feet and proceed to stink-bug stance down the line-up with all the grace of an elephant in stiletto's I'd worked out my plan. If they were gonna use me as a priority bouy, then that might work out just fine. So I proceeded to paddle em way up the point and off the take-off ledge. Satisfied they were well out of the line-up I turned around and paddled right back down to the correct take-off spot. The muppets then sat up there wondering why we were getting all the waves and theirs seemed to close-out. Nothing like sending the invaders sprawling onto the shallow ledge to teach a lil respect!

Feral boat, feral ou's. We call em Kitchen boats. After a trip to Indo years ago when our Thai captain pointed disdainfully at a floating hunk of junk and said "Kitchen boat". 10 ou's stuffed into a pretty damn small boat that looked about 20 years old. Can't imagine where they all slept to be honest - musta been bunk beds to fit em all in.

The wanna-be rasta man (well, he had dreads) felt no qualms about stripping off naked and wondering about the boat in his birthday suit. With the rest of em rocking their speedo's. There should be a law against ou's wearing speedo's unless they're about to swim in a gala or play waterpolo. They most definitely should not be worn on a surf charter. Ever.

You pay feral you get feral. The crew on their boat were as sketchy as their guests. Started off by anchoring so close to the pass that the bigger waves broke a few metres from their bow. The thing was rocking about like an rave bunny on acid. Then they happily ferried the surfers out to 2 outer reef spots on either edge of the pass...and just dumped em off there and rode back to the boat.

Anyone who's surfed the Maldives knows the currents here can be insane. You can get whipped out to sea in the blink of an eye, or conversely dragged into the impact zone with no means of escape. Not only that, storms come up super quick. Legend has it that a Japanese surfer disappeared from a line-up in North Male during a squall and was never seen again.

To just dump ou's off and then leave em there is crazy. I happened to spot one of them furiously waving his board to be picked up from across the channel - the crew were oblivious to him. I had to paddle over to their boat and try tell em to go fetch him. Else he might still be out there :-)

Thankfully they only stayed a day and then left. Shew. The joys of surf charters - they keep you moving! Gotto get from A to Z in your allotted 10 days....

Week 2 in the Maldives. I could seriously get used to this. Feels like you’ve dropped off the edge of the world. Your only concerns are finding surf and fish. And hoping the wind behaves itself.

Ironically the spot we enjoy surfing likes a SW, and is cross shore in a west. Just like home. Travel halfway round the world and the devil wind remains the devil wind! The devils in the detail and the detail means sheet glass versus a side-chop. Personally I’m all for sheet glass.

Water so clear that you can’t see the curve of the wave face at all, it’s like you’re surfing on air. Glance down and the coral heads are flying by underneath you, an angel fish lazily glides by and some parrot-fish are looking up at you quizzically.

Crystal clear water has it’s downfalls too – like when you’re about to take off on the ledge and you look straight down at all the coral heads rubbing their hands in glee at your impending arrival should you blow the take-off. Certainly sows a seed of doubt when it’s bigger.

Garth got attacked by a fish. Genuine. Sitting in the line-up, just the 2 of us, and next thing he’s yelping “Something’s biting me!” Turns out it was a Trigger fish, which are territorial lil bastards. Unluckily he’d chosen to sit right above this critters “home” and ended up getting his leg munched. Proper chunk outta the side of his leg, drew blood and everything! I spent the rest of the sesh lying on my board with my legs in the air!

As its monsoon season you get some good days with the bad. So we were expecting to have a few days off. That’s OK, a bad day in the Maldives still works out better than a good day at home. Go fishing, snorkelling, read a book, take photos, have a nap.

Fishing been a bit slow, a coupla Groupers, a few tuna here and there. When the wind switched yesterday in the arvo we picked up sticks and went trawling. Turned out to be a good call. Landed a yellowfin tuna (carrot Rapala), and a decent sized wahoo (multi-coloured skirt). Wahoo’s the best fish ever, tastes like chicken. Seriously.

Bit of a lay day today, wind up to shite. Looks like some serious swell at the end of the week if the charts hold. Here’s hoping the wind is right…..