Would it float? Or even worse – would it break in half? This was the question Big Zee would soon answer. But before you find out the answer, where did it all start?

It started around the teak reef at the Yacht Club. The idea of a surf trip for the crew of Jouster, all surfers who also enjoyed their sailing. Three young guns and two watermen. Big Zee, Legend, Hoshie, Hosh and  Brown Dog. Between them, Big Zee and Legend had more years in the surf than the ages of the other three combined! Well, almost!

So, anyway, the watermen had quite a few trips to Transkei under their belts while the YGs had NONE!! Time to introduce them to the magic of the TK, its waves, its culture and all other things good. And to prove that goats do live in trees.

Plans were set in motion – day one arrived all misty and still. BYE BYE wives and girlfriends and off they set, bakkies loaded with all the camping gear and supplies needed for 10 days in rural TK. Oh yes, the original crew were joined by another YG, Hey Richie, so that pushed the ages of the YGs to just beyond the surfing experience of the watermen! Well, almost!

Those of you that have been to the TK will know the feeling – rolling hills next to the N2 and rolling hills next to whatever dust roads take you to your favourite TK hideaway. Waving locals as you wind your way to the coast – sweets! – and then the sight of the sea!! Questions – is the swell here yet – MSW said it would be up – was it offshore – is the sardine run past here yet??!! Interpret that as  - hope the sharks have followed them!!

It was almost dark – and time to find a spot to set up camp. In the intervening years however, some things had changed in the TK. Like, last time I was here, there was no fence!! This looks like a coastal reserve now!! Let’s just find a spot outside the fence. Over there on that hill overlooking the sea and estuary. Only problem – it was a hill, so the choice was - sleep feet or head downhill.  No matter – pitch your tent and find a place to make fire. 

And some priceless TK advice – make your own toilet with that spade but be sure to mark it afterwards with a stick and some toilet paper (unused). This way no-one has an excuse for getting their hands covered in you know what! It was, you know, advice that only someone who had been on the border would give, like Big Zee. I’m almost giving away his age now!

Next day – Day one – everyone up early and ready to go. Boards loaded on the modified golfcart for the walk along the beach – makes things easier you know - until the wheels came off!! Then it’s back to lugging all the kit yourself, ‘cause we would be spending the whole day at the point. Hide the cart, but it eventually disappeared, just like some of the kit at the campsite. Thanks to the local community forum – seems some good things work in the TK – most of the kit was returned to the crew AFTER they had left the TK, but that is another story.

So, the crew gets back at the end of Day one, to find the aforementioned kit gone, but what the hell, they had surf! And that is why they are here. Relaxing around the campfire – just don’t use those toilet paper sticks for kindling! – looking at the stars, more than you can imagine, seeing the closest galaxy to earth as well as the five moons of Jupiter with BINOCULARS! Big Zee is also a raconteur of note and regales the crew with stories of the early TK years. Not much has changed – except for that darn fence!

This is where the optometrist comes in – well, he kind of stumbled in. Thought he would spoil the fun. There is another optometrist in this tale but he can tell his own story. If you let him, he will – you know, like how do you know if a guy went to the Grey? Well, he’ll tell you!! That kind of guy / optometrist – I, I, I, I, …ad nauseum.  But I digress. And no, I didn’t go to Grey!

So this first optometrist stumbles into camp to get cellphone reception – I said the camp was on a hill remember – and immediately starts frothing at the mouth at the sight of this (tidy) camp marked on the outskirts with these toilet paper sprouting sticks. You guys better be gone in the morning or else I will call the cops from over yonder. This is a reserve – but we are outside the fence! – so move on. Okay, eyeman from the Big Smoke, just because you have a fancy house INSIDE the fence makes you chief or what? 

We are here to surf, so in order to keep the peace, we agree to decamp in the morning and find another hiding place. Be sure to leave those sticks behind, but as revenge, don’t use the spade or mark your toilet so if the eyeman wanders up here tomorrow night to make his call, who knows what he will step on, or in!

Day two – and two problems. 

Problem one - Big Zee, who you might have deduced by now is not young anymore, needs to go to the capital of TK to get another heart prescription. Why? Well, if you see a local who is either very old or very active, let us know, cause he is the one who raided the camp on Day one and took Big Zee’s heart tablets! And caused Big Zee to miss the best surf of the trip while he was to and from that place near Nelson’s home!  Double whammy! But then he did bump into the most beautiful woman in the world when he was in the pharmacy, so not all bad for him!

Problem two – place to stay. To cut a long story short (the inbetween bit is another story!), trips to the TK for this crew are not about camping anymore! More like going to the Country Club. The optometrist number one did the crew a big favour – thanks, but you are still chopper number one. 

Now they were in the lap of luxury – a proper roof, soft mattresses, running water (of a sort) for unheard of showers, domestic help (what a bonus!) plus a nightwatchmen!!  At least the crew would not be unrecognizable when getting home to the wives and girlfriends!

So it was - days spent surfing, fishing, sleeping, walking, exploring, knowing that at day’s end there would be a huge plate of vetkoek waiting on the stove (thanks Eronelle!!). That’s what it was like from Day three to Day ten. God – this was the life! No phones to distract – business on hold for 10 days. But life went on - like it should. 

Where did the watermen go wrong? How could they make this happen more often? The YGs had their lives before them but how could they live the dream without getting sucked in to the trappings of a normal life. In order to live this normal life in the TK, one had to live a normal life outside the TK. Or is that what the world makes us believe? Sacrifice was necessary, or was it? This is all getting philosophical now, or was it just those other things good that TK is famous for that made the crew philosophical? Another story there I am sure! 

The YGs lived the dream – in fact Hoshie, Hosh and Brown Dog still do, while young Hey Richie still has some schooling to do. Hoshie even saved all his empty deodorant cans for a year – they all exploded in a giant fireball in a hole dug in the beach on day seven I think it was. 50 cent was there but he ran like mad when the first can exploded. Not even some sweets would entice him back until he was quite sure the fireworks were over!

All the while, Big Zee and Legend observed the YGs having fun. Just like they did all those years ago. Except for the camping and being unrecognizable when returning to the real world – or what we thought was the real world. Or maybe the TK IS the real world? Sorry  - must be those other good things talking again. Where was I? Oh yes - observing, and joining in the fun where and when they could keep up of course! 

It is now Day 405 and the crew has been back to the Country Club in the TK for another mission. Even better fun was had, and surf, of course.  And we found this wave ….. another story there too!

And yes – the board Big Zee made specially for the TK did float and it did not break in half when he surfed it. Everything was BAGUS. And not just because of the optometrist! Or two! And so started the Legend’s other surf trips – long delayed - to Madagascar, and Bali where he learnt the real meaning of Bagus. 

But that is another story.